the one with venting

as I'm not in a relationship, one of the easiest things to do is spend too much time considering them. I consider why I'm not in one and why others are. Frequent variations; he's a sucker, she's a steamroller; he's a collector, she's a trophy; sap met sap and there's always the treacly love (all my long-winded way of saying envious). It's the obvious and boring; I'm not sure I want to be at your party but I sure as fuck want to be invited. I consider that (cliche?) I hear about how it takes work and I consider that I'm lazy and hate work of any kind. The sacrifice and I know I have a martyr-y sort of disposition to begin with but I feel like I routinely sacrifice too much already. And considering the only guys that ask me out are married, I am keenly aware that the prize of the relationship is sometimes not worth the entry fee. So why does not being part of one drive me mad sometimes? I guess because it doesn't bother me all the other times.