I would have preferred it if;

• today's pap smear had not felt much the way I imagine a 1950's hanger abortion felt.
• scheduled meetings actually began as scheduled.
  
• dinner simply arrived. Delicious, ordered and paid for.
• the burgeoning zit on my chin unburgeoned.
• instead of moving away, my friends moved closer.
• the Yankees had the lead over the pathetic Nationals.

And I'm actually not bitchy, just super achy and as of 26 minutes ago, vicodined. Ahh... narcotics.